When John Legend crooned “We’re ordinary people, maybe we should take it slow,” little did he know how clairvoyant his advice would prove to be. This global pandemic hasn’t just resulted in a social lockdown but also a love lockdown. Whether or not that’s the way you roll, the pandemic has ensured that everyone takes it slow. Is this a bad thing? Not necessarily.
The landscape of dating and love has changed much over the last few months. Thanks to social distancing, traditional options like meeting up for a drink or two, heading out for dinner, or even just enjoying a coffee date are no longer practical. For those who are single, meeting new people is perhaps more difficult than ever now.
Proximity-based dating apps are swooping in to rescue those who are single and really want to mingle. Apps like Tinder and Hinge have taken off, but the goal behind swiping has changed a bit. Instead of jumping to the ‘next step’ which is meeting face-to-face, coronavirus has made wooing a new connection with your words and sense of humour the next logical step.
To date or not to date
Not only does taking it slow allow you to focus on the qualities of the person you’re hoping to add to your life, but it also allows a budding romance to deepen without distraction when you find someone to vibe with.
For Rima, a 33-year-old digital marketing professional, it has been a process of weeding out the men who cannot sustain a conversation on text or phone calls. When the world exists to distract you, it is easier to gloss over compatibility issues. However, the lockdown has made her realise that if she is to spend extended amounts of time with one person, she needs more compatibility than chemistry.
Does this sound like a lot of work? That’s because the focus has shifted from dating venues and flashy entrances to conversation skills and forging authentic connections. The pandemic is making it impossible for you not to put in the effort and time that the start of a new relationship deserves. Finding love in the time of coronavirus requires you to be real, present, and invested.
Stuck in Mumbai while his partner was at Delhi, Aman found it tough to keep that spark going without the physical presence of his lover. Finally reunited, he says, “There are only so many video calls and texts you can exchange! With coronavirus, there’s also this sense of uncertainty. I held on to the love, but the loneliness and uncertainty nearly drove me crazy.”
More than quarantine and chill
If you think those who have partners are enjoying the lockdown to the fullest, it’s not all roses and unicorns.
Married right before the lockdown was announced in Mumbai, Shreya and her husband spent the days after their wedding holed up at home with their family. They have been working from home for the last few months. This extended honeymoon has its advantages, but Shreya feels like too much of something isn’t good either. “These months have felt like years! Sure, I would rather have him with me than be apart, but I feel like the novelty and joy of being newlywed disappeared too soon!” she says.
Her husband says the most difficult part for him has been the inability to take a time-out, or take his wife out to make up for getting on each other’s nerves. However, thanks to the pandemic and lockdown, they’ve had a lot of time to work out what is important for the success of their relationship—clear and compassionate communication.
Everyone seems to be fervently hoping for the pandemic to subside so we can all return to ‘normal’. But this is a great time to figure out which aspects of what was normal weren’t good for you. This pandemic might just lead to happier and more robust relationships centred on love and authenticity instead of attachment—a worthy post-coronavirus normal to aspire to.
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