I met up with my friend after long and was mildly irritated that she had no time to spare for me now that her wedding preparations were on in full swing. "Do you finally have some time for me?" I asked her peevishly, only to find her burst into tears. "My marriage isn’t happening anymore,” she sobbed. “I just confessed that I am not a virgin and it just ruined everything.”
I really couldn’t digest the fact that all of this happened just because she wasn’t a virgin. Does a girl’s past really affect her life to that extent?. I kept thinking about it the whole night. Out of curiosity, I typed ‘Virginity’ on Google. The suggested topics in the search bar were ‘How to find whether your girlfriend is virgin or not?’, ‘Find out whether your girl’s seal is broken or not’ and such other suggestions. They made a chill run down my spine.
Do we truly live in the 21st century or are our mindsets still rooted in the 20th century? To satiate my curiosity I spoke to a few guys and I am sharing their opinion with you all.
“For me what affects the most is the girl’s nature more than her virginity. My basic requirement would be that the one I’ll be marrying should understand my family. Marriage is a bond where trust and understanding are the key factors, the relationship drives on the sacrifices one makes for each other. Our society still has few people who think that Virginity is a necessity for marriage. If I get a girl who has qualities which I need then her past and the virginity factor really doesn’t matter because I know she would be understanding which is enough to spend my life beautifully with her.”
- Avinash Payal (Choreographer)
”I recently got married, and it was a Love Marriage. But I myself wasn’t a virgin before marriage then how do I even question my wife about her virginity? For me, she’s more important and precious compared to her virginity and nowadays how many guys are really virgin? If we ourselves don’t fall under that category then why do we expect that out of girls?”
”For me, a girl’s nature and her virginity are equally important aspects. I myself am a virgin and I feel the girl I’ll marry should be virgin too. I cannot reason it appropriately, but yes I do need a virgin girl.”
- Sanket Sharma (Web Designer)
”Judging a girl on the basis of her virginity depicts that you’re just a myopic creature. But for a guy like me, a girl’s nature is what should be considered instead of her virginity. Consider a girl who lost her virginity to the guy she loved but due to some consequences they aren’t together. That doesn’t mean she’s bad by nature or something. No doubt we live in a society which uses the whole concept of virginity as a way to target women and discriminate against them. Unfortunately, our society has equated a girl’s nature with her virginity. Two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity, I’m not sure about the universe.”
” What is it the matter with virginity? Means the guy reaches his puberty and whenever he needs it he does satiate his physical needs. If he feels like having sex he goes and has sex then why is it with girls that they need to be virgin before marriage? Everyone has mental and physical needs and men satisfy themselves. Then if the girl is in the same situation and she loses her virginity, why does she gets judged on such basis?”
- Suhas Borade (Student)
”My marriage is getting fixed and for me, my girl should be a virgin. That is the reason I started searching for a girl. I need a girl who is a virgin. That is the reason I ask every girl I meet - are you a virgin?. For me, nature and virginity both matter a lot.”
”For me, a girl’s nature matters the most. No doubt it's one of the most important factors in a girl's life. If my girlfriend comes to me and tells me herself that she has lost her virginity due to her past, it means that she trusts me that much and I should respect it. Every virgin guy needs a virgin girl, but this is the 21st century. Then how do you expect that thing in this era? If the girl had a horrible past and because of that she lost her virginity and the guy left her why do we consider that it was the girl’s fault? The second thing is if the girl has a great nature, mine and her bonding is really good then virginity factor doesn’t really matter.”
- Bhushan Patil (Engineer)
”Let me reframe the question. Is virginity even important? Undeniably love is not the factor which makes a relationship work. It revolves around mutual understanding, the trust one invests into what they collectively make. If acceptance becomes selective, all people will do is judge you on the basis of downright baseless prejudices for instance: losing virginity. And above all, to all the guys out there… Did you fall in love after assuring that she is a virgin? And if the fact actually bothers guys and interferes with their relationships, my friend, this is exactly the time you need to realise you're not doing life right. You need help! Why let petty matters spoil the beauty love adds to life? LOVE IS TO CHERISHED AND YOUR GIRL IS TO BE PRESERVED! RESPECT HER AND HER DECISIONS.”
I checked with 15 guys out of whom 12 chose the girl’s nature and the girl over her virginity. Honestly speaking, I felt really good after hearing it. I felt people have begun thinking with open minds. I felt really good about it. I don’t want to blame guys, neither I want to comment on their opinions. I’ve seen girls who say they would want to get married to virgin guys. But the proportion of such guys is really less.
This factor to which we give so much of importance - does it hold that high a position in your married life? Rather than asking a girl this question, ask yourself about it.”
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