An open letter to parents who shy away from their divorcee daughters

An open letter to parents who shy away from their divorcee daughters

Dear parents,

It is high time you should stop giving up on your daughters when their marriages fail. They don't dream of it, it happens due to circumstances and you should/must accept it.

When marriages fail, or they don’t work out, she (daughter) yearns for your support and respect which she usually fails to get from her in-laws.

I know the generation you belong to. I know that back in your times, you were not even allowed to talk to each other. Women especially were not even asked about their choice or agreement during the marriage. Instead, they were told that they will be married to someone of your choice. Women back then had no option of choosing their life partner. On the day of her marriage, she meets her partner, who is 5-6 years older to her and that was cool. But, it was all back then. But is it difficult to realise that time has changed? Women are becoming stronger and that is NOT bad. If she stands for herself, if she decides to end her sufferings, by not committing suicide but by ending the bad marriage and living her life, she needs to be respected and accepted.

I'm venting the pain because it has happened to a dear one in my life, where acceptance from the very close ones, after taking a decision came at a cost. One of my friend’s sister was married off to a guy, who seemed nice in the first few years of marriage but then he changed.  He started taking her for granted, started beating her, eventually making domestic violence a habit. By then, she was a mother of two. She too wanted things to work out and wanted to save her failing marriage. She tried her level best, but she didn't get the desired result. Finally, she decided to give up and came to her parents' house. There she was welcomed for a day or two. But as days started passing by, her own parents started feeling uncomfortable. She told them everything that she went through. She believed that her family would support her and would ask her to leave her abusive husband, but, nothing of that sort happened.

Her parents asked her to adjust and told her that such incidents happen in every household where a married couple fights, which is normal. Keeping this in mind she should focus on taking care of her children. What they failed to anticipate is that she was hurting inside, and they were her last hope. Disappointed, she went back to her married house, losing all hope. A few days later, she went out leaving her children behind at home and never returned. Next day, her family and in-laws received news that she committed suicide by jumping in front of a train, and the last I knew about the incident was that her parents brought both her children back to their place.  

This is just one story. There are many women out there who suffer all life due to bad marriages, but they don't utter a word. They fear society, and parents (most of the Indian parents) who believe that it is a sin to be daughters’ parents as they only bring worries and tension. These women are conditioned in such a way that they prefer suffering than to end their bad marriage.

There have been instances when women have taken a decision and ended their bad marriages. But, they suffer forever - that doesn’t stop. Their fight against this patriarchal society goes on for long. Once she is a divorcee, perverts and anti-social elements look at her as an opportunity. She is doubted, she is blamed but she never get support she needs. 

You should accept your daughter even after her marriage fails, she is still is your own blood. Despite the new life, she remains your daughter, your beloved one. Already, a divorced woman has to go through a lot, all you can do is support her and not make it worse. Make her feel special and let her live. It is not a crime to be a divorcee. No woman anticipates her marriage to fail while getting married, it is something that just happens unfortunately in some cases. 

It's a humble request from my end that if your daughter is planning to end her marriage or if you know that she is unhappy with her abusive husband, support her and bring her back to her own house with respect, dignity, and love.

Note: This is an opinion piece and the views expressed above are the author’s own. Mumbai Live neither endorses nor is responsible for the same.