Fear and panic should not overrule me and make me miserable: Irrfan Khan

Actor Irrfan Khan, who has been diagnosed with neuroendocrine cancer recently, said that the only thing he expects from himself is not to feel the crisis in his present state.

While penning down a letter to Times of India lately from London, the actor averred, “The suddenness of the entire situation made him realize how you are just a cork floating in the ocean with unpredictable currents. In this chaos, shocked, afraid and in panic, while on one of the terrifying hospital visits, I blabbed to my son, The only thing I expect from me is not to face this crisis in this present state. I desperately need my feet. Fear and panic should not overrule me and make me miserable”.

The actor felt intense pain while dealing with the situation, he said, “As I was entering the hospital, drained, exhausted, listless, I hardly realized my hospital was on the opposite side of Lord’s, the stadium. Amidst the pain, I saw a poster of a smiling Vivian Richards. Nothing happened, as if that world didn’t ever belong to me… between the game of life and the game of death, there is just a road. On one side, a hospital; on the other, a stadium. As if one isn’t part of anything which might claim certainty – neither the hospital nor the stadium. That hit me hard. This made him realize that the only thing certain was the uncertainty. This realization made me submit, surrender and trust, irrespective of the outcome, irrespective of where this takes me, eight months from now, or four months from now, or two years. The concerns took a back seat and started to fade and kind of went out of my mind space.”

Furthermore, Irrfan said that for the first time he realised what freedom truly meant as if he was experiencing the magical side of life for the first time. "Throughout my journey, people have been wishing me well, praying for me, from all over the world. People I know, people I don’t even know. They were praying from different places, different time zones, and I feel all their prayers become one. It’s germinating – sometimes a bud, a leaf, a twig, a shoot. I keep relishing and looking at it. Each flower, each twig, each leaf which has come from the cumulative prayers, each fills me with wonder, happiness, and curiosity.” he added in the letter.

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